Thursday, December 12, 2013

Mummy preparing for university, Part II.

Last week I was hit with a wave of emotions about going back to uni, all set off by running into someone I know.
Isn't it funny how it just takes ONE person to ruin the excitement of something you've been looking forward to?
It only takes one person to question yourself!
Am I being selfish?
Jydan will have to miss out on swimming ect, is that fair?
Do I really need to study?
Is it worth leaving Jydan for?

Having a child was so hard for us, yet, here I am, preparing to leave him!

Just a handful of sly remarks, made me question everything.

I was asked if I didn't love him anymore, if I didn't want to look after him anymore!
I was told that the fact that even though it's not 5 days a week, that is just an excuse. So was the fact that I was going to return to work after a year anyway.
They asked Jydan if he wanted to live with her instead and then emphasized what a good mother SHE was. And then ended with an 'i'm only kidding'....... (you could almost imagine, they would be one of those people that say something spitful online and then end their sentence with a kiss)

 I was in too much shock to say much back, but now, do you not know that I blog though?!
That I'll tell the whole world of how judgmental you were!

Can you believe the nerve of some people?!
After being so angry and shocked and amazed at what this person said to me,
The next day left me thinking...
Have I spent enough quality time with Jydan?

I know I've spend 13 months at home, and I know of taught him things, and done quality things, we've done so much craft, but has it been enough?
Have I enjoyed it enough?
Have I made the most of it?
Have I cuddled Jydan enough?
Have I paused and enjoyed the moment?
Have I worried/stressed too much?

I paused for a moment ....

ONE negative person, in a ten minute conversation, had made me question the next 4 or so years of my life! 

Then I found this:

The saying, no matter how much time we'll spend together, it will be still not enough for me. Meant everything for me.

I love this little boy with all my heart, of course I always want to spend more time with him. Who wouldn't?! There will never be enough time in the world, no matter if I'm with him 24/7, or studying three days a week. I will always want more time with him! (most of the time ;) ).

The thing is, Jydan is growing too fast. He is learning too fast. The days are going too fast. The moments go by too quick. I'll always want time to slow down, whether at home, working or studying.

I can still enjoy time, in fact, I will probably cherish time with him even more

Also! Yes I'm a mum! And yes I love my little man more then anything, but I'm also Harley!
I'm aloud to be Harley too. You know I don't love my son any less because I like myself too?
And he won't love me any less!
He won't grow up to say 'Why did you send me to play and learn with other kids my age while you studied to get a career to support our family more? Did you not love me anymore?' 
So why would I listen to someone so inconsiderately rude!

Phew! Now I'm off to choose my subjects for next year which I've been putting off ;)

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