Thursday, July 21, 2016

Dear Kids, eff your tantrums!

Dear children, my beautiful brown eyed children. I love you guys, but!

Eff your tantrums.

Seriously screw them.

I'm almost POSITIVE there's other ways to show that you're an overwhelmed mess that doesn't involve draining every ounce of my happiness and goodness I could possibly Mum with. Like your tantrums are some sort of emotional parasite.

From the moment I wake up and hear the screachers from the pitts of hell to the moment I go to bed where IIIIIIII feel incredibly guilty because of YOUR all-day full-on never-fucking-ending tantrums... Seriously!
They have this way about them that can turn me from a trophy mum to losing my shit in a matter of seconds.
Maybe it's one child stomping around like he's a one man army, screaming "NOOOOO" "I DON'T WANT TOOOO" "I'M NOT BUSTING!!!" while slamming doors, back chatting and whining about every single little thing on this god damn planet.
Maybe it's because even though you're starving as if I haven't fed you at all in the entire 3 years and 8 months of your life I have absolutely NOTHING you like to eat anymore. Oh sorry! My bad, I seem to have done the fortnights entire grocery shop on all the foods you liked last week. I forgot that you change your diet more times than your one year sister chucks a tantrum.
God forbid I cut her sandwiches into triangles instead of squares, that woman is a total wreck!
She throw herself back with a complete meltdown tantrum, that only makes her look like she's a possessed turtle on her back, while wailing so bloody loud she could give a banshee a run for their money...because a crumb fell on the floor.
Then and only then you will both decide to scream bloody murder at each other. All you both have to do is look at each other. Share guys. Just fucking share. Let's start small and share some space in the same freaking room as each other. Yes Mum, I'm sorry. I know the feels now. Heck, I owe you everything. Don't worry.. I'm getting my pay back. 20 to life of it......

Add these all together and I feel like I'm forever in the middle of a witch hunt! 
Some might call you both spirited, right now, today, this week.... I have other words in mind.

Why the hell do you hate sleep so much?
I mention it's sleep time and I'm suddenly being sworn at in some freakish baby language amungst an ear piercing scream that in all honesty makes me wonder why the fuck the neighbours haven't called the police?
What happened to neighbourhood watch??
Maybe they know if anyone tried to take my kids away they would be back within five minutes with blood pouring from their ears.

Currently it's 11 fucking PM at night, I've already blown my fortnights wine budget in the last two days, and you're taking on the whole "sleep when you're dead" mantra. Except you're so effing tired you sound like you've been part of an excersism for the last five hours.
Child, didn't you know that once you go to sleep theres this instant parent love reboot thing that goes on? We need to reboot. Mummy needs to know that she loves you again. Mummy needs to remember that it's worth it. Mummy needs to see your sleeping innocent face.

So kids, eff your tantrums.

-Harley xx

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